I saw a sign in a bookshop the other day banning smartphones. Could they find it online cheaper? Probably, but that defeats the purpose of this trip: they are enjoying their time. They’re bonding, they’re being entertained and yes, they’re buying stuff. It’s not so much the items, it’s the experience. This suggests to me that they don’t understand why people go to shops in the first place – at least why my family goes to shops. Sadly, stores seem to think that if they offer WiFi I’ll just be comparing prices with other stores and thus ripping them off. You shop, I’d say, I’m happy here with my WiFi (the password should be something funny like ‘WiFi4dads’) and my latte. I’d be much more likely to encourage my family to take their time instead of huffing and pacing and generally generating anti-shopping signals. And donuts (although I’d settle for robot coffee). That’s how bored I get in these places, and frankly that’s not good business. See what I did there? I made a clothing joke. I have sat on that step and tried to use my phone to provide hours of endless entertainment (photos of otters are much cooler than goats, by the way) but most shops have no wifi and if you’re in the maul (sorry, mall) the cellphone coverage is usually pretty pants. One of the outrageously young-looking women running the shop glares at me from time to time but she’s kept busy refolding all the stuff my family rejects. They can’t see me at all – I am literally invisible to them – so I toy with the idea of rolling my eyes or fake gagging but never quite have the nerve to pull it off. I give them an appraising look and a thumbs up. There is no seat – I’m on a step, leaning against a mirrored column, and occasionally one of the other shoppers tries to use my pillar to look at herself. I’m writing this on my phone while I wait for my wife and daughters to try on what would appear to be every top and skirt combo in this entire store.
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